Sound Advice

A woman goes to see her doctor because she has been beaten by her husband.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me.”

Doctor: “I have some advice for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take some chamomile tea and sip away, and say nothing.”

Two weeks later the woman goes back to the doctor and looks refreshed and great.

Woman: “Dotor, that was great advice. Every time my husband came home drunk I made chamomile tea and he never touched me.”

Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut works!”

What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
~ Bonds mature.

What’s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
~ A woman that won’t do what she’s told.

Sound Advice

A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

Feel like a woman

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, feel free to iron this.”

What takes up 12 parking spaces?
~ 6 Women drivers.

Sound Advice

A man is lying on the beach wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, “If you were a gentleman you would raise your hat to a lady.” He replies, “If you were a sexy lady the hat would raise by itself.”