A bloke walks into a …
A man walks into a pub with a newt on his shoulder and asks for a beer and a pint of pond water for Tiny. “Why do you call that newt Tiny,” asked the barman. “Because he’s my newt.”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
- — A blonde walked into a bar — OUCHH!!!
- — So a woman drives into a bar…
- — Blind man walks into a bar… And a table, and a chair.
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a burger. When he’s finished he gets up and pulls out a gun shooting at everyone except the bartender. The panda turns to leave but the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone.
The panda asks “Do you know what I am?”
“A panda,” replies the bartender.
“Then refer to your dictionary for an explanation.” says the panda before leaving.
The bartender refers to his dictionary and it reads: ‘Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.’
- — A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver says, “You have a drink named Murray?”
- — A white horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a scotch named after you!” The horse says, “You have a drink named Freddie?”
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender:
“Do you have any helicopter flavoured crisps?”
The bartender shakes his head and says, “No, we only have plain.”