You couldn’t make it up,
Life is just like that!

What do you call a …

  • Q What do you call a man with a government subsidy?
    A Grant
  • Q What do you call a French man holding a pole?
    A Voltaire
  • Q What do you call a girl on the horizon?
    A Dot
  • Q What do you call a man with debts?
    A Owen
  • Q What do you call a man with three planks on his head
    A Edwood Woodwood
  • Q What do you call a man with a shovel?
    A Dug
  • Q What do you call a woman with a tile on her head?
    A Ruth
  • Q What do you call a man who makes your house warm?
    A Pete
  • Q What do you call a man with a long nose?
    A Bill

 

The European Union (EU) has granted a permit to an Austrian brewery to officially name their beer: Fucking Hell. It’s a fully legitimate permit. “Hell” in German means “Light” and the beer is produced in the Austrian town of Fucking.

Lifes like that 2

Guy put this photo on ebay to sell the table. Look in the mirror, he could have put some clothes on!

Someone played a prank on the supermarket – Love it.

Yes – The guy is into knitting.

Naked Motorbike Passenger



Romania – 2012

This woman was fined for not wearing a helmet, but allowed to continue travelling nude.



‘Bare-Back Riding’ is obviously popular:

 

Pidgin English

Have you read an Asian user manual for electronic equipment and chuckled at the use of English. It never ceases to amaze me why a company like Sony cannot employ someone who can speak English to proofread their manuals before printing.

In other areas such as forum boards on the internet it is of course more forgiveable, but equally amusing.

There is nothing like discovering a gem and wanting to put relish all over it, this is my place to record these moments for posterity.

click images to enlarge





Neighbourly Feud

The story goes that a town councillor in Wales, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning department had approved. Mark Easton complained to the local authority and the new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.

As well as lowering the height, they also installed some vents on the side of the property that Mark Easton was not happy about so he called out the planning department to investigate.

Some people should not be parents.






 

What’s wrong with these photos



What’s wrong with these photos

Perhaps this first photo belongs in the section above “some people sould not be parents.” If the guy is of reasonable age then can we assume he has the best mum or partner in the world.


There’s always someone who thinks the world will stop without them.

Imagine seeing this in your fridge – A nice joke head.

If ONLY life was like this for everyone…

Comments made by NBC sports commentators during an Olympics.

1. Weightlifting commentator: ‘This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.

2. Dressage commentator: ‘This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: ‘I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

4. Boxing Analyst: ‘Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: ‘If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

6. Basketball analyst: ‘He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: ‘Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.

8. Soccer commentator: ‘Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.

9. Tennis commentator: ‘One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?

Funny Names

Sherriff Grady Judd – Polk County, Florida

A guy who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop fataly shot the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times and another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.

A state wide manhunt ensued and the culprit was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.

When asked by the media why they shot the man 68 times, Sheriff Grady Judd told them “That’s all the bullets we had.”

Justice was served, bullets are cheaper than 40 years of meals, cable and civil rights.

 

Dear Dad letter

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was tidy when he noticed an envelope propped up on the end of the bed, beckoning to be opened. It was addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened and read the letter inside.


Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, cos I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice but I know you would not approve of her because of all her piercings and tattoos, the motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood to get us through the winter. We also share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. One day, I’m sure we will come back to visit and you will be able to get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua

P.S.

Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on my desk.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

 

1

Lifes like that

Tuck it away somewhere

Dear Friends,

Most of you know that recently I went in for a small cosmetic surgical procedure. The nature of the procedure was a little embarrassing, so I kept it to myself. Now, however, I am compelled to share my secret. I had a butt lift and I’m breaking my silence because I didn’t go to plan. We should just accept the way we are.

Much Love,





Naked Motorbike Passenger

Romania – 2012




The woman was fined for not wearing a helmet, but allowed to continue travelling nude.







 

Some people should not have kids.





 

What’s wrong with these photos


What’s wrong with these photos

Perhaps this first photo belongs in the section above “some people sould not be parents.” If the guy is of reasonable age then can we assume he has the best mum or partner in the world.

There’s always someone who thinks the world will stop without them.

Imagine seeing this in your fridge – A nice joke head.



 

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